Logs of Duty: The Agile standup
The most efficient way to waste 15 minutes
Rule #1: Hold it at 9:01 AM sharp. At least nobody will be tempted to start working earlier. Bonus points if everybody must be in the office.
Rule #2: Go around the circle. Always. Everyone must get 90 seconds of mumbling. It’s tradition. Whether or not there's a critical blocker. Agile is about equality, not urgency.
Rule #3: No update? Repeat what you said yesterday. It builds muscle memory. And maybe people won’t notice. After all, it’s not your fault if the team spent five hours in meetings yesterday.
Rule #4: Use it to solve technical problems. This is the only time you can get everyone’s attention. Share your screen, show your logs, and debug all together. Great team bonding.
Rule #5: Keep the camera policy vague. Enforce “cameras on” randomly, based on your mood. Agile is adaptive, after all.
Rule #6: Let the team lead speak first. Then summarize. He/She already knows what you’re doing. Probably. And if you're lucky, you won’t have to say anything at all.
Rule #7: Never track time. A meeting isn’t agile unless it ends unpredictably. Some standups last 7 minutes. Some last 47. Keep it dynamic. Keep it confusing.
Rule #8: Use it to share personal updates. Sprint goals come and go. But hearing about your broken dishwasher this morning? That’s what real team cohesion sounds like.
Rule #9: Make it mandatory. Attendance is non-negotiable. No other meeting is more important. The SEV-1 war room can wait 10 minutes. This is the daily standup.
Rule #10: Say you are Agile because the standup happened. It doesn’t matter if nothing got unblocked or no one was listening. The standup ran. That's transformation.